The Big Comb Over Guest Post #GoddessFish

 

THE BIG COMB OVER

J.P. Rieger

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GENRE: Family satire; Farce; Magical realism

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BLURB:

Three nephews and three eccentric uncles.

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It’s 2050 and Robbie Elders has all but forgotten about his oddball, religious fanatic uncle, tim tim. He’s taken up the latest fad, genealogical research based solely on DNA. But Robbie’s “inconclusive” DNA results are unsettling. He crashes back to his childhood, back to his world of comic books and tim tim.

“I opt for posh and London” declares Lady Florence Stour. It’s 2019 and time for a Royal Wedding. Robbie’s uncle, Stef, is engaged to Lady Florence, a distant member of the British royal family. Stef’s Baltimore clan have been invited, but Robbie’s mom and dad can’t attend. They’ve entrusted Robbie and big brother, Doyle, to their mom’s two eccentric brothers, uncles Roy and Roland. Roy, a weathered waterman with a severe Baltimore accent, lives for Maryland blue crabs. Roland, a mildly hypochondriacal actor, lives to survive the Karens he unavoidably encounters. And then there’s Desales, Roy’s smart aleck, teenage son. He lives to prank. They’ve descended upon London. What could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile, tim tim has been coaching Robbie on “the mission.” A silly religious fantasy according to Robbie’s atheist parents and the therapists. Or perhaps not? Things are not always as they appear in The Big Comb Over.

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Excerpt 

He was thinking that the man’s accent could be Irish. But more Cockney, almost. Odd. He saw the man thrust his hand forward.

“Name’s Roy.” He shook Roy’s hand, earnestly.

“Name’s Dixon. Pleasure to meet you.” He glanced over at Roy’s suit. “Nice couture! A refreshing play on seersucker! ‘Maison Dixon’ is mine. Curious to hear about yours!”

Roy felt a bit confused. He had already introduced himself. He figured maybe those white things were hearing aids. And he had a crazy name. “Ya said yours is Mason Dixon?”

“Yes!”

“Like your Mason-Dixon line?”

“Well, thank you, Roy! Which particular line do you favor?”

Roy felt confused again. “Favor? Well, I was thinkin’ of the long one? The old one?”

Bertram nodded, knowingly. Nice to know the “Smart Man” line was still revered. Teddy had been encouraging him to drop it. “Yes, Smart Man, a long and successful line.”

Roy nodded. “Why, thanks, Mr. Dixon. But I would reckon everbody ’roun here’s heard of it. Don’t take too much brains. Historical, like.”

“Brilliant! Thanks, Roy. That’s my job. To keep those lines out in the public’s mind.”

Roy scratched at his rusty beard stubble. “So, like, ya do surveys, still? Ta mark the lines?”

“Well, certainly. But those are a little old school. We don’t always attach a survey to each line we produce. We get things done more with social media. Influencers, mainly. Good judges of the zeitgeist.”

Roy was thinking that surveyors setting lines without surveys didn’t sound very safe. And he wasn’t sure about the rest. “Ya done anything here in Bawlmer? Any new ones?” Roy had been shopping at that new supermarket in Middle River. He wanted to make sure the building was safe. He was hoping Mr. Dixon’s company was not involved.

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Guest Post

Where Do Ideas Come From?

J.P. Rieger © 2024

I am very much in awe of fantasy and sci fi writers. Creating fantastic “other worlds” wholly through the imagination truly impresses me. I lack the kind of wild imagination required of those genres. I’m more of a “write what you know” person. Unfortunately, I’m a dull guy. Sky diving, bungee jumping and hang gliding are not my thing. Traveling across the globe with only a backpack? Not happening. I lead a pleasant, ordinary life, carefully curated through routine. I derive my ideas through the commonplace. I enjoy writing situations and settings that everyone experiences, but perhaps I push the envelope a little on those.

What could be less exciting than an acoustic barrier wall along a highway? In The Big Comb Over, character Chris Waxley, an actor with a travel agency side hustle, describes his latest “specialty” gig. He mentions how he had to pivot away from “covered bridge” and “old railroad” destinations because those travel fields had become overcrowded. While driving, he happened to notice that many homes located along Baltimore’s Beltway have acoustic sound barrier walls to provide relief from the incessant noise. He noticed that, every so often, a door had been placed in the barrier wall. So, he cornered the market by creating a specialty tour of homes having acoustic sound barriers with the doors. That way he could demonstrate the “before and after” to his enthusiastic travel groups. “You know, you listen first with the door open. At peak times the noise is unbelievable. But once you close that door, there is an immediate calm. Much more peaceful. Very Zen. And like I said, the naturally occurring flora and fauna are quite amazing. Besides the plants, there were things like rodents and birds nesting near the doors. Some right on the walls above the doors. You could tell because of all the droppings.” 

Likewise trips to the supermarket are prime fodder. Comb Over protagonist Roland, whose small sized shopping cart overflows due to his many impulse acquisitions, is confronted by a helpful Karen who chastises him for not using a larger cart. 

Parking lots are also a personal favorite. Comb Over hero tim tim is edged out of a parking space on a crowded lot by a bullying SUV. Roland is honked and given the finger by a presumed stranger as he exits the supermarket lot. Roland is later chastised by his apartment manager for parking his car in a reserved space without the necessary placard.

And, sometimes I dream of plot ideas. Chris Waxley describes to Roland a dream he had about a brunch. I had dreamt the scene the night before and worked it into the dialogue because of its utter ridiculousness.

I enjoy taking walks around the neighborhood and often come up with ideas just by letting my mind wander. Sure, there are very few James Bond style scenes produced by those walks, but probably over half of each book I’ve written is based on something I pondered during a walk.

So, if you are like me and about as exciting as brown toast, don’t despair! Take a nice walk or a good nap. Grasp the commonplace. And write yourself a book!

AUTHOR Bio and Links:

J. Paul (J.P.) Rieger is a born and bred Baltimorean and mostly retired Maryland attorney. As such, he’s well acquainted with the quirkiness and charm of Baltimore’s unique citizens. He’s author of Clonk!, a police farce set in Baltimore and published in 2023 by Apprentice House Press (Loyola University-Baltimore). He’s also author of The Case Files of Roderick Misely, Consultant, a mystery novel featuring a wannabe lawyer anti-hero. The Big Comb Over, a slipstream comedy of manners featuring three nephews and their three eccentric uncles, is Paul’s third novel. Paul is married and lives in Towson, Maryland. 

Website: http://www.jpaulrieger.net

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