“You
didn’t come this far to only come this far.” Big
breath in, slow breath out. “Things
don’t happen to me; they happen for me.” Big
breath in, slow breath out. “Tough
times don’t last; tough people do.” Big
breath in, slow breath out. “I am
capable. I am strong. I believe in myself.” Big
breath in.
The slow breath out
stuttered on a small laugh stretching Rachel’s lips. She wasn’t
sure there were enough motivational mantras she could possibly murmur
to get her through this moment.
The brief bit of
humor helped her not throw up as the ferry chugged closer to the
island she had sworn never to return to. Her nerves steadied
slightly, but her stomach still churned. It wouldn’t be so bad if
Aunt Eileen was going to be there to greet her. Of course, if Aunt
Eileen was still there, this would be an entirely different
situation. Her dear aunt would have come to her in Rachel’s time of
need, rather than Rachel coming to the island.
Dear Aunt Eileen
would never again be there to greet her, though. The deep tide of
grief threatened to suck her back into its grip, but Rachel had cried
enough in the last weeks to last her a lifetime, and she refused to
do so now.
Despite her previous
vow to never return to the Cape, Rachel was now seeing it as almost a
refuge after the terrible debacle that was the last six months of her
life. She could rebuild a new life for herself in the safe cocoon of
her childhood home.
Or maybe not her
childhood home. Was teenhood a word? She’d have to Google it.
In either case,
despite her misgivings about returning to Cape Avalon, it had really
been the only decision open to her. And it solved at least a couple
of her problems, even if it created a few more. But that didn’t
change the tightness in her neck and shoulders and the queasy pit in
her stomach at the thought of returning.
“Return
to your vehicles. We will be disembarking momentarily.” It was the
third time the announcement had sounded. She really ought to follow
the directions.
Digging deep, Rachel
tried hard to be positive. Really, no sane person would consider it a
bad thing to be inheriting a free house on an island not that far
from civilization. Of course, inheritance meant someone had died. In
her case, her last living relative. The aunt who had taken her in
when her parents had been killed in a car crash when she was
thirteen. So once again, she was on her way to Sandpiper Cottage
after losing someone in tragic circumstances. In this case, again, it
was two tragic losses. Back-to-back.
And
Todd’s death was
a tragedy, she insisted to herself. Anyone’s death was. The fact
that his death had confirmed to her that she had never really known
him, and he wasn’t the man she had thought he would be when they
married didn’t change the fact that dying at the age of thirty-five
is beyond tragic. No one, not even a man who lies to his wife about
his spending habits, should die so young. She needed to ignore the
relief that pulsed through her whenever she realized she would never
again have to hear his insults that were couched in seeming concern
for her feelings. The so-called endearment “Honey” was forever
ruined for her. She needed to ignore the relief because guilt always
quickly followed.
Surely it couldn’t
be right to be relieved by one’s husband’s death. Of course, the
fact that she hadn’t been implicated in his accident that didn’t
seem to be an accident was a huge relief. The police were still
investigating but they had ruled her out as a suspect. Rachel might
never know what really happened to him, and she didn’t feel she
needed to know. He probably had owed money to the wrong people. She
was just lucky they hadn’t come after her.
The fact that Aunt
Eileen’s cancer took her before she could see that Rachel was
finally free to move on with her life brought on the threat of more
tears, so Rachel turned her face into the wind and let it brush away
her worries at least for the moment.
A deep, cleansing
breath reminded her that it was always a surprise that the ocean air
didn’t smell salty. Despite her complicated feelings about the
island, she had always loved the freshness of the air. Even if it did
unmentionable things to her hair, she added to herself as she reached
a hand up to grab the locks that were threatening to obscure her view
of the rapidly approaching island.
The ferry would be
docking soon. It was well past time for her to go down to her car.
But she hadn’t prepared for the sense of anticipation that flooded
through her and never would have expected. She thought she was
dreading her return and she was, she insisted to herself. But clearly
a part of her was excited about it, too.
Fresh starts had
always excited her. Even the ones that had been forced upon her.
She’d had plenty of those. This one was no different. The fact that
it involved Aunt Eileen, even though she had already passed, seemed
fitting. Her aunt would be thrilled if she knew how much of a load
the bequest of Sandpiper Cottage was taking off her mind.
Even though Rachel
had promised herself she would never return to the island, it
suddenly felt like a hiding place from all that had gone wrong in her
life in the last decade. If it didn’t turn out to be the sanctuary
she hoped it would be, it would at least allow her to catch her
breath for a moment without having to worry about having a roof over
her head.
The thought of
living in a box under the overpass did not appeal to her in the
least, especially not with winter approaching. A slight shudder made
its way through her in the company of a fierce gust of wind as the
ferry made its way out of the more protected channel onto the open
waters where it was to dock at the very end of the island. Rachel had
never properly understood why they didn’t make a straight run from
mainland to island instead of going to the end as they do, but she
wasn’t really a city planner so what did she know?
Shaking her head
with a sigh, Rachel finally turned away from the rapidly approaching
dock and started on her way down to her car, surprised to note she
was the last left on deck. Since it wasn’t tourist season, she
supposed everyone else was tired of or immune to the view. Since she
hadn’t come to visit since she had left for college the day after
her high school graduation just before her seventeenth birthday, she
supposed she had an excuse for not being immune to the beautiful
view.
Avalon Cape was
beautiful in any season. And even if one had their reasons for hating
their experience on the island, it was undeniable that the island
itself was a gem.
She only hoped she
wouldn’t have to see a single person she had previously known.
That was a
ridiculous and futile wish, she was well aware. With the way the land
leases were set up, they rarely passed out of families. That was the
only reason she was actually there at that time. If she didn’t take
up residency that week, she would lose Sandpiper Cottage within the
next couple of weeks, since Aunt Eileen had died six months ago,
almost to the day. Rachel would have to live there for at least six
months in order to keep the lease. If she couldn’t fulfill the
lease requirements, she’d have to sell the house her aunt had loved
so much. Most people spread out their six months throughout the year
if they weren’t year-round residents. But since Aunt Eileen had
died six months ago, Rachel would have to stay a full six months in a
row in order to have the lease transferred into her name as her aunt
had stipulated in her will. Aunt Eileen wanted Rachel to have all
that she had possessed. And Rachel wanted to fulfill that wish for
her aunt.
